You Are an Alien
No 5# on my diss list.TOURISTS
London Summer 2002
When I was in London a couple of years ago this English person asked me where was I from? I said I was from the Emirates. He asked me if that was in Saudi Arabia. I told him no it is the Emirates a country by itself. He said ‘oh is that near to Egypt?’ I told him no it is in the Gulf. Egypt is in Africa. He said ok ‘but it must be dangerous there with wars and terroists’ I told him no there has been no war or terroisim in my country and it is safe. He said what about Palestianian problem and Saddam Hussein. I told him Palestine and Baghdad are not in the UAE they are separate places, different countries. He looked at me confused and at this point I took this break in my interrogation to ask for my bus ticket and change from him.
I then explained to this bus conductor that the middle east is more than just a 10 square mile area called ‘Saudi Arabia’ ranging from Cairo to Baghdad down to Beirute and Palestine. It is infact a large place that stretches from Iran to Mauritania and has many different kind of people and cultures in it. I then asked him if National Geo Graphic channel actually comes on in the UK and supress the urge to ask if they have books in school.
Dubai Autumn 2005
So he steps of the plane at DXB (Not the same man but many people like him) and he is shocked to see that we actually drive cars here (not camels) live in houses, villas and apartments , not tents or pyramids but he is still worried that he might get kidnapped by Al Qa3da and flown western class to Iraq to make a quest appearance in a video exclusive on Al Jazeera while his wife and daughters will get sold into white slavery and shipped off to Saudi to become part of a rich sheikhs harem, like the ones in those old black and white Hollywood films and have to walk around in belly dancers clothes and say things like ‘yes master your long brown and greased .. twirly moustache is sexy’.
So you Mr. Tourist Man and your companions will become the focus of this rant and I will write about things I have heared about or seen or directly experienced regarding your group.
1) It is your first time in the UAE and it is not like Egypt or Morocco, so you are not allowed to haggle with Taxi drivers. That 100 dh bill from DXB Int to your Hotel in Jumeirah is not the starting price for you to negotiate down. You HAVE to pay that amount in full.
2) When you are speaking to a Local or any Arab, you DON’T have to speak veeerrreeey sloooowleeey like this, because many of us do understand English. Just speak clearly. If we don’t understand we will say.
3) Don’t try to look shocked if any of us speak to you with excellent English. {obviously not including me ;) } Its rude and it could give a big head to some of us who are doing that speaking to you ;)
4) Women. Do not walk in City Centre with your pink legs all the way up to your belly button exposed and enough clevege displayed that it could put a pillow factory out of business and then complain that Arab men are such dogs for staring at you and asking you ‘how much?’ You come here; Respect the culture. By extension this goes to some black girls aswell (I’m guessing of the west African variety) umm, big hooped earrings, big make up and super tight jeans for shopping in Spinny’s… no no no, not a good idea. This is Dubai not Detroit.
5) Men. It doesn’t look very manly walking around with your fat pink legs exposed all the way up to your thighs in City Centre or Jumeriah Beach and then U complain that Arab men are such jerks for staring at you and asking ‘how much?’ ;)
6) Men (of the limp wristed variety) Yes women are harder to come by here BUT that doesn’t mean all Arab men are still going to surrender to homosexual desire and give your arse a good seeing too with 8 inches of arabian hospitality *oops did i just cross the line?*. Well, I don’t care what you heared from your gay expat friend living in Satwa told you about us. You come here; Respect the culture and its people.
7) Those ready made dishdashers you can buy in the packets at the Airport and toursity type shops; Please don’t think about wear them in public. a) Your are not Arab, dishdashers are not for you. b) Good grieve man! It came out a freakin packet for goodness sake, even it was acceptable for you to dress like us still don’t wear it.
8) Women again. Don’t believe every young Arab stud you meet at a night club when he says his father is a rich oil sheikh or a prince back in his home country when he is only trying to get inside your jeans, because that Hummer or Benz parked out side is really hired or just his best friends, and all his father does back in his ‘home country’ is sell falafels on the street corner. (that applies to expat women as well coz I am surprised by the mount of times my friends have told me they have used that line and gotten ‘immediate results’ :-o )
9) Dont walk around like this is still the days of Empire with an attitude. It doesnt play well here and that attitude wont take you far. Remember when it comes to giving attitute we can play that game better and this being our country we can win :)
If any one reading this felt I crossed the line at any point, well sorry, but I don’t think I said anything that is not true and what I did say does show you how you look like to us in our eyes. Ignorance of other peoples culture where your holidaying in , is never an excuse for un-appropriate behaviour. So no offence. Ok? Good.
I sincerely hope you enjoy your stay :)
posted by Jassim @ 10:50 AM
Comments: 34
