PRESS RELEASE
Thanks to Yahya who wrote this release for me, it will soon be sent out to the media ;-0"
Secret Arabian is pleased to announce that Jassim Al Gaberi wll launch a new service to tie in with his blog's new look. Quickly following the re-release of his blog named *insert witty blog title* as a Secret Arabian: Redux; the sister blog to Sleepless in Muscat and A Secret Arabian Journal, his new blog has been re-designed to benefit the people of the UAE and the wider world, as well as his own pockets.
"I am back, and in my usual mode of being a Local Super Hero who likes to help people of all backgrounds and nationalities, as long as they are Emirati, I am re-launching my blog." said Jassim CEO of Secret Arabian Redux. "With this re-launch, will be a new service called rent-a-angry-muslim-mob. I am an entrepreneur who is always looking for new ways to make money and this is what the UAE is about, making the money, I mean helping people."
Mr. Gaberi's last project where he was assigned by Wiley Publishers to create a series of 'Dummies guide to' books yielded unexpected results, demonstrating that there is a fine line between failure and success.
"After the release of a Dummies Guide to Middle Eastern Policy, one of my biggest clients, the Pope...took some of its advice to heart and of course caused an uproar. The book can be considered successful, as after reading it he managed to successfully get Muslims to be even more pissed off with the Christian World and simultaneously piss Jews off with him, because he apologized to the Muslims. I mean he pissed off all three major religions in one swift go. You cannot make this up! By the way am I allowed to use such colorful language in this press release, ummm I mean piece of legitimate journalism?
After ensuring him that only 7Dazed and Kretin Times will be desperate enough to pick this story up Mr. Gaberi then spoke in-depth about the damaging repercussions that the Pope's speech made on his business. Here he expressed his sorrow that the Papal's reputation will now be in tatters after so many years of positive stories of the helping hand(s) that they have been giving to children, especially young boys. He was also doubtful about the future of his series of books for Wiley Publishers but saw a silver lining to the disaster.
In the resulting wake of the controversy he has identified a hole in the market where he says that those from the Associated Press to the White House, to the 'Ordinary Muslim Man' on the street can all benefit from.
"My rent-a-angry-muslim-mob service is for the world media organizations. As high profile individuals continue to issue more and more anti-Islamic brain farts, there is going to be a growing need for 'angry muslim mob reactions', that make excellent photo opportunities for the front page of every newspaper from the free thinking Gulf News to the beloved an impartial Washington Post.' said Gaberi.
The rent-a-angry-muslim-mob service works through a registration service that allows Muslim men who have no jobs and plenty of free time to register their availability for 'reactionary photo ops.' A separate registration facility is made for media organizations. When a high profile individual, says, writes or draws anything offensive to Muslims, any of the registered wires or media organizations will instantly be contacted, where they will be informed of exactly where a group of between 20 to 2000 individuals have gathered to express their rage for the cameras.'
'Protestors are taught how to shout Allah Akbar in the most animal like way possible, accompanied by some nonsensical phrases in either the Arabic or a Sub continental Language. The kind of people who register for this service will be paid according to what we have trained them for, whether that's just shouting or the burning down of Embassies, but it is preferable if they have little real knowledge of the religion they are apparently attempting to defend.' Said Gaberi.
When questioned on whether he had plans to expand the service he replied. 'Yes, a discount version will be made available to local UAE Bloggers who are becoming more and more proficient at saying stupid things. Right now I am negotiating with Emirati from Emirati Thoughts on a special deal: The next time he says something stupid we will arrange to have 3 hundred or so protestors readily available to crowd Madinat Zayed's main streets to complain about for example: his proposed reforms to change Ramadan Prayer times or to water cannon unruly Indians who pose a risk of toppling this countries government and taking over all of the remaining corner shops with dangerously out of date produce. The future looks bright.' Gaberi concluded.
About Secret Arabian:
Secret Arabian was established in 2005 by a British Kuwaiti blogger soon to be named Abu Abdu (Twisted.ae), which later formed into a triumvite of bloggers who had an alternating line up every 6 months. Today Secret Arabian is made up Secret Arabian 1, Sleepless in Muscat and Secret Arabian: Redux.
The views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of all of the writers who post here, or those who leave comments. Nor does it claim to resemble anything in real life, or amount to anything thought through or intelligent. "
posted by Jassim @ 5:40 AM
