Diss Number 10 (part 1)
Ok khalas. Its time to finish this blog. Everytime I try to end it , something in the real world gets in my way and I have to do something else. Here is a brief snap shot of my life in the real world: My wife be yak yak yaking about something I don’t know what, half the time. Boss at work be yak yak yaking in Indianese but that’s ok coz I don’t notice him much anyway and my neighbour is complaining about something as usual, but I stopped taking him serious after that time he got his foot stuck in our front gate after he was playing football with his nephew. ( which btw was a very surreal day).Ibn Battuta Mall
Now back to blog world. How do I end *insert witty blog title here* with the final diss? I want to write about Ibn Buttcrack Mall ( expat pronouciation number #288) but its not fair on that mall coz I have already ranted about them once already. Besides, I am no real expert on that place , coz whenever I am in the Gardens to visit a certain car less ‘Bedouin’ friend of mine and he wants to buy something in Geant… I always wait outside in the car park. I hate that place. Its vulgar, overdone, excessive and a largely pointless place. I mean come on, every other mall on this planet has a KFC a Debanons and a Starbucks in it. So what is so special about this place? Talk about presenting the same stink shit in some brand new packaging over and over again, Dubai. I mean can you imagine Ibn Battuta on his travels of the ancient world stopping at Axiom to pick up the latest Nokia, before fighting hordes of angry cannibals Sinbad the Sailor style? Coz that what the mall wants us all to believe. The makers of this mall are trying to present to us some over glossed fake ass ‘Hollywood Disney’ version of the Middle East that has been designed for the largely Western expat population of the Gardens in mind. These people like many people who come here from the West have all come to Dubai looking for something exotically romantic, like a Sinbad movie, but are now feeling let down coz this Emirate looks more and more like Beverly Hills or Miami everyday that goes by.….
Local Media
So then I thought I would write about Gulf News. I hate that paper for the simple reason of those stupid polls they have. I mean what kind of dumb ass question is ARE WOMEN BETTER DRIVERS THAN MEN? The answer is so obvious I shall not even bother to continue on that paper or that issue. Besides 7Days is a lot worse, but no way near as bad as that sh!tty Khaleej Times, which should be renamed Sub Con Times coz there is nothing Khaleej about it…
BUT there is one media in this country which needs to be dissed more than any other and that is Channel 4fm. I listened to radio in the UK and even the most amateur sounding ones like LBC{!} (the London radio station, not the Lebanese TV station silly) and Choice FM sound more professional than what they present here for us. I mean how many times a day do we have to listen to the same 5 stink songs by the same stink 5 singers (Black Eyed Peas, Destiny’s Child, Britney, 50 Cent and Eminem) over and over. Then in between the songs we have to sit in more pain, coz we have to listen to the DJ regurgitate what he read in some American teen magazine about Brad Pitt or Catherine Zeta Jones for the umpteenth time, followed by stories about which celebrity is screwing who and who is divorcing who and who is back in rehab. But you know in reality really no one is listening to him. Why? Coz A we have heard it all before, and B this discussion is happening:
*Insert brief discussion by UAE Locals about Channel 4 Fm DJs accents*.
Cousin : Is this DJ American?
Me : No I think he is Australian
Cousin #2 :Walah? But isnt that an Irish accent?
Friend: But he sounds British (English)
Me: :So why does he talk about Canada a lot.?
Cousin: : Really I think he is perhaps American, ya3ny dont you notice all the listeners who call up all have American accents aswell?
Friend: :The difference between Canada and American accents are?
Cousin # 2 :I don’t know. They all sound the same to me.
Me: :So. About those people who call up… Those are American accents?
QUESTION: Why does this deep and meaningful debate take place?
ANSWER: I think all those DJs have to speak in some weird Mid Atlantic accent so they don’t offend or alienate any one western expat nationality living here, which is really dumb coz it just comes of sounding weird. Now all this philosophizing makes me have to conclude that Channel 4Fm has become an utterly pointless radio station to listen to. Why? If the music is crap and the DJs only talk crap and all the people who call up that station are full of crap, then what real reason do we have to listen to that station? Call 6001644 with the correct answer and a chance to win an exclusive Channel 4fm car sticker...so I can run you off the road if I see it attached to your back window or bumper.
Talking about bad music and bad voices, this morning I was thinking about ranting about Michael Jackson. That is one sick fuck who needs to swim his pedophilic ass back to Bahrain coz he is not wanted here. Dubai looses points everyday they let another second rate ‘B List celebrity’ into the country(which includes you Jacko coz your Thriller days aint ever coming back… ever) to buy an exclusive villa or penthouse here and then make the local media about how great it is afterwards. Both Locals who are 'aware' and I am sure even expats by now, don’t want any more trash let in and I personally don’t really care for the Beckhams or some other shitty overpaid under-educated footballer and his bitch moving into another brand new luxary expat compound here.
Dubai used to have class now it is turning into a rich expat hell; this is why I don’t have time for most of them (expats) either. And this leads me onto what the final entry on this blog is going to be about.
Diss # 10 Racism.
99.9% of my friends are locals..but I have a lot of friends (real friends, not just work mates) and the 0.1% who are not locals, are Levantine, British, British Indian/Paki, American and Afro American. That’s diversity for you and I like them a lot. They don’t spend their whole time complaining about ‘Dubai this’, ‘Local that’ , ‘Arab this’ , ‘Muslims that’, they just get on with life. Sometimes they complain but not all the time coz it is human nature for people to complain about at least one thing in life. Besides this emirate can be pretty screwed up on some things, *coughs ‘malls/hoes/driving’* but I have traveled a lot and I have seen no place and no people that is perfect, so for all you other expat whiners put up or shut up!
Anyway diversity is nice (anyone who knows my family can see the diverse range of females my brothers have picked for their wives (including yours truly) that come from both the Local and expat range of colors and creeds... So I cannot tolerate racism. BTW don’t come to me afterwards with 'oh but Jaseem you have already said bad things on this blog about westerners and Asians'. For that I shall say, there is a difference between being racist and being politically incorrect.
Being PC is boring and fake.
Deal with it.
Anyway I will continue and conclude this blog later. Its dragged on long enough and it is 12:35 am and a coffee shop somewhere is calling me for some serious chill-out time with some friends, a box of dominoes and a hookah pipe :)))
And for all you ignorants living in the Gardens shopping at Ibn Battuta Mall but still don’t know what the Mall is really about. Here is a link for you. NOTE: When you read it you will find no mention of Paris Gallery , Automatic Restaurant or Woolworths anywhere in the explanation and history of this great man.
posted by Jassim @ 12:28 AM
Comments: 12
